airplanes

sitting on this plane i feel captive. confined, limited by the fact that i only have one destination. i cannot chose who i sit next to, so here i am stuck between two middle age business men. neither, chose to talk to me, why would they? i am clearly a college student and they are consumed by their world of blackberries and professional suits. i prefer flying at night. it makes the plane seem cozier, even though i find it impossible to fall asleep on planes. i find myself nodding off, but then as soon as i begin to think that i can fall asleep, the weight of my head is too much and i am forced to sit up straight again. but, there is something intimate about looking out the window and seeing the lights coming from the cities below. i dont know if in this moment i feel big or small. in the airplane i start thinking, i play the major game of "what if's..." i have the time, so why not? but, in this game i get lost, my mind cannot comprehend the many factors that make up my future. so i simply stop thinking, which i must say is a rare thing for me. i always have thoughts running through my head. no matter where i am something triggers a memory or a fear and i dwell on it. i have begun to realize that i am "dweller", i am weighed down by past thoughts and memories. so to stop thinking is remarkable. i am trying to move forward and stop reliving every painful or emotional moment over and over again. i want freedom from my thoughts, from the torture they bring me late at night. on this plane, i realize that i don't have to live like this. just as the pilot controls where this plane lanes, i can control what consumes my thoughts. jesus is all over this idea. paul commands us to "take every thought captive." the irony is in taking every thought CAPTIVE, you in return are given FREEDOM and i deeply desire to be free. as i sit here with little to no personal space, i am experiencing the freedom that comes from truth. not that this half-hearted freedom that the world offers, but true freedom.