seasons

this weekend at cru's fall retreat was a mingling of emotions involving my past, present and future.

past there were moments this weekend i could not have been more reminded of this summer. no more, than when lifehouse's everything skit was presented. each week this summer the worship team presented the everything skit to the campers and every week my eyes welded up with tears and i felt goosebumps. i could not help but compare this skit to this summer's. yes, the servant team presentation this weekend was good, but there was something so deeply intimate about the skit this summer. also, cru is already promoting summer project for next summer. but the quick 2 minute presentation they gave for it, didnt even begin to explain the immense joy, growth and community of summer project. i still miss it and can't believe how much time has passed since this summer. i hate that i write about it so much on here, but i dont like talking about it for--1.) no one can relate 2.) i don't want to be annoying and seem like i want to be somewhere else

present god opened my eyes to some new truths. i deal with problems by suppressing my feelings. if the feeling are uncomfortable or painful, i subconsciously feel the best way to deal with them is to hide them. healthy, right? not at all. i didnt even realize that i have been struggling with accepting that where i am right now is god's best for me.

future this may be the scariest part of my life right now. of course, because it is the unknown. i am afraid that my own human fear is holding me back from taking huge steps of faith. [the irony in that statement is undeniable. i am afraid of my own fears. i have issues.] a good friend pointed out that she sees this season of my life as a season of steps of faith. it is impossible to be complacent, i must move.

i am wrestling with living fully in the present, not forgetting where i have been and embracing the adventure of my future.