shell

it is a cold, rainy day and the warmth of last friday is clearly a memory now. my body is beginning to believe that fall has fully sprung and is beginning to miss more and more the glorious heat of summer. friday, in my mind, was perfection. the type of day you can go outside in shorts and a tshirt and be comfortable the entire day. but fall, brings a whole new sorts of things. the coming of fall each year is a reminder (like i need one) that things are constantly changing. nothing stays for long, especially in this time of my life.

i am being reminded more and more each day that i am becoming a grown up. i have found living in my own house for the first time i find myself saying things that i have heard come out of my mother's mouth a hundred times. "don't leave dirty dishes in the sink" or "it really is easier if you clean up after yourself as you go" and those sayings just have to do with cleaning the kitchen, there is also the reminder to take the trash out on wednesday nights (we have only forgotten once) or to check and make sure that the doors are locked at night. but, it really is more than just the simple responsibilities of keeping house. i am realizing more and more that the decisions that i make today have a direct impact on my future. i guess, in some ways, it has always been like this, but for the first time i am realizing i play an important role in my future. there are decisions only i can make and in some ways they are terrifying. when most of the time i am waiting for someone to step up and be like "shelley, go this way!" the future is ahead of me and it could not be more of a blank slate that i get to create. but, like so many things from picking out my outfits to picking a major i have a feeling i am going to try many paths before i land on the one that is for me.

so what is adulthood? is it constantly changing? is there a time in your life that you ever feel like you are qualified to make those big decisions? i do not feel like an adult and i am sure in a lot of ways the world does not view my nineteen-year-old-self as an adult, but that doesn't mean it is any easier.