life

I've had one of those days where everything looks okay on the outside, but everything is going terribly wrong on the inside. I don't know where I came up with the strength to keep up this facade, but somehow I kept it up. Today everything was crumbling on the inside, you wouldn't be able to tell, but while reconstructing my room I was trying to put back the pieces in my life. But somehow rearranging my bed and television did not lead to healing.

But, that's what I want so badly. Healing in relationships. Healing in myself. But, I feel stuck in this crumbling state. I would like to believe that I will wake up tomorrow and everything will be okay, but I've long since learned that sleep does not heal as much as I wish it would.

Again, I am struck by the timing of this state. Everything was suppose to be golden. It is surprisingly warm in January and the newness of the beginning of a semester is upon me, but such is life. You can't expect it, predict it, or avoid it.