collection of my thoughts

sometimes you just need isolation. college can provide little to no opportunity to escape. although, today was a generally fantastic day i sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a little alone time. a chance to breathe, debrief and simply escape. i can't go anywhere without my cell phone, i cant be in my room alone without my roommate walking in, i cant grap a meal alone without feeling like a loser. now dont get me wrong, i love my friends more than life. i would sacrifice anything for them. but what would it be like to know i had a night to simply breathe and forget all the pressure/drama/tension that comes from living life 24/7 with a bunch of girls.

one of the main reasons i am so terrified of this summer is because i am afraid i am never going to get a chance to unwind. i am going to place where i know no one and it takes effort to make relationships. i am going to have to be the fun, perky shelley. am i ever going to get a break? i have to led campers on hikes in the mountains of colorado and then come back and be example to them of jesus and his merciful love. what if i get irritable? no, i know i will get irritable and i know a breakdown will come at some point. what if i simply dont have what it takes to do it this summer? i am wrestling constantly with these fears.

also--can i just say I HATE FINALS TIME. not that i am particularly stressed out, because lets face it i dont have the most difficult major in the world, but the fact that everyone else is overwhelmed and busy. i just want to hang out, waste the rest of the money on my meal plan, spend hours laughing, and forget about this thing called classes. i hate that everyone is done with finals at a different time and leaving at different times. i want a final goodbye. these friends are my family in blacksburg and i will miss them so much.

i am currently trying to dwell on the words of this beautiful song:

Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You