"Notice how we are perpetually surprised at time. ('How time flies! Fancy John being grown-up and married! I can hardly believe it') In heaven's name, why? Unless, indeed there is something in us which is not temporal."

-C.S. Lewis

i adore this song right now.

moving

I am sitting on my front porch or steps, really, of my boxcar talking to a camper. It has been a long day: up before seven, one hour off, and now it is drawing near to eleven and any extra energy I had earlier in the day has been used to scratch my hundreds of mosquitoes bites that cover my legs. My camper is telling me about her adventures on the high ropes course and I am trying with all my might to stay focused, but the high ropes course no longer holds the same thrill it did when I was 12 and like I said before: I am tired. Now, I have never been a big believer in déjà vu, I can’t really remember ever feeling it and I don’t really get what it is, so this may be déjà vu, or it could simply be a strong memory, it doesn’t really matter either way. But, all of a sudden I am not a counselor, or a college student but I am thirteen again at summer camp, asking my counselor how the heck you ever mature in your Christian life or life in general. Everything was so far off. The feelings are coming back from middle school and youth group and the feelings of constantly trying so hard. I heard the gospel constantly, but I felt like I was never going anywhere; I was always going to be in middle school; I was always going to not be completely sure of my salvation and was always going to be too young to drive or stay up to midnight. But, in the next moment I am back listening to this camper tell me about high ropes, and I honestly can’t believe where I am. How did I ever get here? It is scary what happens when don’t even realize we are moving.

middle school lovers

listen to the story of the love life of my camper lacy ellen

lacy, a 12 year old, rising 8th grader came to camp with a boyfriend. i believe they had been dating for two weeks. solid middle school relationship.

enter jackson, a cute boy from richmond. oh let me remind you lacy is from north carolina. on tuesday, two days after meeting, they are caught kissing during free swim. take note she still has a boyfriend at camp.

two days later her current boyfriend, gains the courage to break it off with lacy. if you can't tell by now lacy was basically the queen bee of camp. ten minutes later jackson asks her out during free swim, that night we spend our devotions talking about her relationship with jackson and how wonderful he is.

twenty-four hours later jackson breaks up with lacy because "they are both too big of flirts". lacy cries and then moves on to the other available middle school boys.

and that is the story of how lacy had more boyfriends in one week than i have ever had.

“but the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, his love for us does not. it is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to him.”

-c.s. lewis, mere christianity-

Final Annoyances

Let me just share some surfacey, irrelevant annoyances. Maybe you will enjoy them because they in fact rub you the wrong way too, or maybe you will think I am crazy, either way, I am sharing.

1. ) I am studying in the library and the couple across from me: 1.) Are not cute. 2.) Are making out. Please get a room.

2.) Literally the only page of the internet that will load quickly is Facebook, which is great if I didn’t have a million other things I needed to do besides stalk every one of my friends.

3.) I have become incapable of cleaning my room. I used to at least try to put clothes back in my dresser, the floor is now my dresser and it annoys me that I am so lazy.

4.) I am selfish. I would be lying if I told you my favorite topic wasn’t myself and this has hurt some people that I deeply care about recently.

5.) I have to be at camp in less than two weeks. I want to go, promise, but could I have a little time? Goodness gracious, I have four days at home between lifeguard training and finals. I am so sorry that I go to a public university and we don’t finish school in April, but how can you expect me to be at camp May 20th.
6.) How can one person have the capability of making me so happy and frustrated?
7. ) Writing a paper about a book you didn’t read is challenging. I know entirely my fault, but still.

The couple is still making out. I am turning up Ke$ha to avoid hearing their lips smack.

Regina Spektor's voice somehow always speaks to the sorrow in my heart. Life is wonderful. But, you sit in your car late at night and you can't deny the pain and exhaustion and hurt that comes from living. Regina's voice sings the melody of my heart because even on your best days, things are crumbling somewhere.